Sunday, March 12, 2006
i noe it's hard to wait n keep waiting. but nv once did i ask u to wait, n i definitely
do not lyk to b forced. it's no use trying to force/trick/bribe me cos i will not yield or compromise on sth, especially if i still have so many doubts, uncertainties n unanswered questions. if i'm sure of wad i wan, no1 can change my mind. but if i'm not sure, no1 can make me decide b4 i'm ready to make a decision. mayb u dun c it dis way, but i'm really doing dis for the best of every1's interests.
it's difficult to remain fair to everyone while at the same time, pleasing them. i can only hope dat u'll understand eventually.
heard some things dat i dun really wan to noe, but after hearing them, i dun really feel anything much also. mayb deep down inside i'v already expected it.
wad else can explain the way things have turned out to b? but i suppose i did feel a small wave of disappointment when i heard of the indifferent attitude u seemed so sure abt. i noe u noe alot of things, but since u refuse to tell me, i can only make guesses. but u din rebutt wad i said so i'll take it as my guess is right. then again,
a little tiny part of me refuses to believe it's true. how can it b true? if it really is, den the only thing i can say again is dat all the more it proves my point dat u'v been telling me is wrong. retarded.
it's not possible to regret sth if u dun think abt it.. or at least, dat's wad i think.
so will i regret if i miss my chance? God noes. on the other hand, there'r also certain things dat after months or years of constant thinking, there'r no regrets abt some decisions dat i still firmly stand by. n i'm proud of myself for being able to say dat. mayb in others' opinions, wad happened was foolish n cld have been prevented. but ultimately, i dun care wad others' think as long as we'r happy with the outcome, which i suppose we r.
hm.. but anw, i'm just really glad dat i din falter at the crucial moment last nite. i wldnt b able to forgive myself for being a mindless idiot if i did sth dat i'm not sure is the right thing or the thing dat i wan to do. lyk i said,
"i dun lyk to b forced."
random thoughts at 3:05:00 PM
